That time I dyed my mother’s teeth purple so she couldn’t go on a date #MothersDay

My mama’s “special friend”

Vee Jones (name changed) was smooth as heck.

He had one of those fat mustaches like @therealbillydee and drove a blue Buick.

Smoked Newport 100’s.

Drank cognac out of those fancy glass decanters, always on the rocks.

He was smooth.

And my mama?

She really liked him. I noticed him coming around a lot more, and I knew what that meant.

He was trying to replace my father.

So I did what any good 10-year-old girl would do? I walked down to Clevenger’s Market and bought a box of grapehead candies. If you are unfamiliar with these candies, just picture tiny jawbreakers, a sea of dark purple, sugary deliciousness that turned your teeth a dark shade of purple immediately.

”What time is he picking you up?” I asked. “8” mama said as she applied her @fashionfaircosmetics mascara.

She was so beautiful.

“Do you want some candy, mama?” I asked ever so innocently. I held out the paper box as an offering.

Mama stuck out her perfectly manicured hand palm up, and I poured a few into it. She closed her hand around it and popped them into her mouth without even thinking.

I left the room as she finished getting dressed.

But just a few minutes later, I heard her scream.

“Crystal!! My teeth!” She said as she looked in the mirror at her purple-tinted teeth. “I can’t go anywhere

looking like this!” She went into the kitchen and pulled the phone off the wall, frantically dialing his number.

“Something’s come up” she said.“ let’s just do tomorrow, OK?”

I expected to be punished.

Or spanked.

Or at least yelled at.

But instead?

My mother went back into the bathroom and brushed her teeth.

Then she came back into her bedroom and put on her pajamas, ordering me to do the same.

We spent the rest of that evening on the couch watching TV and eating pizza. It’s like she knew I just needed one on one time with her.

It was the perfect evening.

At least for ME. 😂😂